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SPN Fanfic: ...I'll Come In Again. (scriptish-format) - CaffieneKittySpace
('i' before 'e' if you're looking for me)
caffienekitty
caffienekitty
SPN Fanfic: ...I'll Come In Again. (scriptish-format)
Title:...I'll Come In Again
Rating/Warnings: Gen, PG, SPOILERS FOR 5.10, random silliness and crack. And obviously totally not what happened ever. Also one of the OC's has a bad British accent. He wouldn't stop. I'm so sorry.


Format: Kind of scriptish? o.O
Word Count: Not many
Disclaimer: Deepest, most abject apologies to Eric Kripke and Monty Python.
Summary: Sacrificing minions - is there any problem it can't solve?



A/N: Things could have gone very differently in Carthage, had the demons standing around waiting to be sacrificed been permitted to speak freely. Or something. Since "five things the Colt can't kill" this has been running through my head in one form or another.


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...I'll Come In Again
by CaffieneKitty
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"Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms!"
~ The Spanish Inquisition, Monty Python ~



Lucifer: There's only one thing that the Colt cannot kill and I-

Demonic Minion 1: -two things.

Lucifer: What?

Demonic Minion 1: Sir. Two things. That the Colt cannot kill. It can't kill you and it can't kill Death, sir.

Demonic Minion 2: Yeah! Can't kill Death! That's an oxy.... an oxy-whatsit.

Demonic Minion 1: Moron?

Demonic Minion 2: Hey! That was uncalled for!

Lucifer: Okay, fine. There are two things the Colt can't kill. Me and Death.

Demonic Minion 3: Ooo, ooo! Three! Three!

Lucifer: Three. Seriously? What's the third thing?

Demonic Minion 3: The smell of fish, sir.

Lucifer: Me, Death and the smell of fish!?

Demonic Minion 1: Well, that's just stupid.

Lucifer: Agreed.

Demonic Minion 1: I mean, how would you even shoot the smell of fish?

Lucifer: Exac- ...what?

Demonic Minion 3: I dunno, but if they managed to shoot the smell of fish, the Colt wouldn't kill it.

Demonic Minion 2: Wouldn't that apply to all smells then, not just the smell of fish?

Lucifer: Why would anyone want to use the Colt to kill the smell of fish!?

Demonic Minion 3: You've never been near a spawning stream in the fall, have you sir? Worse than the Styx.

Lucifer: Fine, fine. Whatever! There are three things the Colt cannot-

Demonic Minion 4: *koff*

Lucifer: What?

Demonic Minion 4: Four.

Lucifer: Four??

Demonic Minion 4: Yeah, well, it couldn't kill anything what wasn't alive in the first place, sir. Like a rock. Or dirt.

Demonic Minion 2: Dirt's alive.

Demonic Minion 4: Naw, dirt's just got squirmies in it. There's a difference.

Demonic Minion 2: So the Colt could kill a tree, but not a rock?

Demonic Minion 4: Yeah, 'cause the rock wasn't ever alive, see?

Demonic Minion 2: What if it was a fossil? That was once alive.

Lucifer: Ahem.

Demonic Minion 4: Well a fossil's already dead, innit? That's another thing it couldn't kill there; stuff what's already dead. So that's five things.

Demonic Minion 3: Hey, what about the sun? Could the Colt kill the sun?

Lucifer: Ahem.

Demonic Minion 1: Well, that counts under the fourth thing, because it's not alive, it's just on fire.

Demonic Minion 3: Couldn't the Colt kill a fire?

Lucifer: ...you know what? Screw this.

Demonic Minion 1: Look. Fire's. Not. Alive. And the Colt could never hit the sun anyway, it's too far away.

Demonic Minion 3: But what if the Colt was super-rocket-powered-

Demonic Minion 4: Oi! Where's the Boss gone?

Demonic Minion 1: Oh, great. Now look what you've done. He's surrendering to the Winchesters.

Demonic Minion 2: Not my fault! Not my fault! They got into the argument about fire!

Demonic Minion 3: I wasn't arguing, I was trying to make a point! You were arguing!

Demonic Minion 1: I wasn't- Look, it doesn't matter; the Apocalypse is over, you've driven the Boss back to the Light and we're all going back to Hell now. I hope you're happy.

Demonic Minion 2: ...yeah. I guess? Am I supposed to be happy?

Demonic Minion 3: I'm itchy. I think my meat-suit has fleas.

Demonic Minion 4: I'm hungry. I was told there would be cake?

Demonic Minion 2: Yeah, cake!

Demonic Minion 1: *heavy sigh*

- - -
(that's all. Obviously this never ever happened. *facepalm*)

Reference: Monty Python's 'Spanish Inquisition' routines

Tags: , , , , ,
Current Location: work
Current Mood: giggly giggly

34 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: December 1st, 2009 01:47 am (UTC) (Link)
I am telling you, award! lmao Also, I need cake dammit:P
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 02:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Lj's stupid birthday header keeps making me want cake, so I have cake on the brain. It's evil.
samalander_dawn From: samalander_dawn Date: December 1st, 2009 02:10 am (UTC) (Link)
I say again: best brain ever. EVER! :D


this needs to be performed at some point and sent to Kripke, k? :D


heeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 07:41 am (UTC) (Link)
this needs to be performed at some point and sent to Kripke, k? :D

...dear lord no.
erinrua From: erinrua Date: December 1st, 2009 02:55 am (UTC) (Link)
BUAHAHAHA!

*snicker*

Silly!evil will never not be delightful. *g* Thanks for the giggles!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 07:42 am (UTC) (Link)
"The devil cannot abide to be mocked" and all that. :-)
vikki From: vikki Date: December 1st, 2009 03:32 am (UTC) (Link)
And here I thought nothing related to this episode would ever make me laugh. This was fantastic! Thanks for the chuckles, I really needed that.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 07:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Happy to provide. :-)
unoshot From: unoshot Date: December 1st, 2009 04:02 am (UTC) (Link)
You are a mad person.

I like that.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 07:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh good. We'll get along fine then. :-)
elliemurasaki From: elliemurasaki Date: December 1st, 2009 04:02 am (UTC) (Link)
...oh sweet Thalia on a bunny-eared pogo stick.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 07:44 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm hoping that's a good thing. :-)
julorean From: julorean Date: December 1st, 2009 04:23 am (UTC) (Link)
XD THIS IS EXACTLY HOW S5 SHOULD END. YES.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 07:45 am (UTC) (Link)
I imagine it'll be a wee bit more dramatic than this. :-)
ravenrants From: ravenrants Date: December 1st, 2009 05:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Hee, I needed that laugh so bad - awesome.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 07:46 am (UTC) (Link)
Happy to make you laugh. :-)
malevolent73 From: malevolent73 Date: December 1st, 2009 05:08 am (UTC) (Link)
I could hear it in my head, accent and all. :) Very funny.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 07:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! :-D
whistler_wren From: whistler_wren Date: December 1st, 2009 05:37 am (UTC) (Link)
I guess it's a good thing angels can time travel, then, isn't it?

And it also explains why the Lucifer is doing all the work; clearly those minions can't be trusted to even dig.

Archangelis eunt domus!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 07:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Never trust a minion. You never know whent they'll turn out to be incompetant. *nods*
brigid_tanner From: brigid_tanner Date: December 1st, 2009 01:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Great way to start my day ;)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 05:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, glad you liked it!
irismay42 From: irismay42 Date: December 1st, 2009 02:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG that was brilliant! And I had the demon minions from Devil's Trap totally cast in this one!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 1st, 2009 05:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
You mean these guys? They're in there somewhere. Most likely Minion 1 and Minion 3. Maybe. *koff*
gwendolyngrace From: gwendolyngrace Date: December 2nd, 2009 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
And then Aziraphale and Crowley show up to take the demonic minions out for tea.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 2nd, 2009 04:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Why not indeed.
geckoholic From: geckoholic Date: December 3rd, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is hysterical! *snorfle*

Demonic Minion 2: Yeah! Can't kill Death! That's an oxy.... an oxy-whatsit.
Demonic Minion 1: Moron?
Demonic Minion 2: Hey! That was uncalled for!

SO much love . . . :-D
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 8th, 2009 01:46 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! :-D
darkamber From: darkamber Date: August 19th, 2010 07:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Fantastic!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 19th, 2010 07:21 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
34 comments or Leave a comment