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Sherlock Fanfic: A Restless Pillow - CaffieneKittySpace
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caffienekitty
caffienekitty
Sherlock Fanfic: A Restless Pillow
Title: A Restless Pillow
Fandom: Sherlock (BBC 2010)
Disclaimer:ACD created Sherlock and John, Moffat, Gatiss and the BBC made their new world.
Rating/Warnings: GEN. PG-13. Platonic bed-sharing. Spiders. Conversation format.
A/N: For this Prompt - Apologies to everyone in Brazil for the geography/culture/fauna fail. Title from a pretentious Charlotte Brontë quote with no real relation to the story. ETA: The spider described in the fic is real, Google at your own peril.
Translation:French Translation by CMona at ff.net

Summary: John and Sherlock share a bed, or at least they try to.



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A Restless Pillow
by CaffieneKitty
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"Christ! Sherlock, are you made of elbows?"

"At least when I sleep I don't make a noise like an elephant drowning in custard."

"Are you implying that I snore?"

"I'm not implying it, I've observed it."

"You don't have to observe it, you know. Why are you even trying to sleep now? You rarely ever sleep, and when you do, you sleep on the sofa."

"No sofa here. Where would they put it and still have room to open the door?"

"There's a chair, you could sleep in that."

"As my doctor, you should be insisting I get more sleep. You should be thrilled that I intend to sleep in a bed."

"Not when it's the same bed I'm sleeping in. You couldn't have got a double room?"

"No doubles. Just singles."

"Same goes for size of bed, I suppose."

"Yes."

"They didn't have a spare folding camp-bed or something?"

"It's a small village in the Mantiqueira mountains, John. We're lucky not to be sleeping with someone's cattle."

"Depends what you call lucky."

"Wait, where are you going?"

"You take the world's smallest bed, I'll just take this blanket and kip on the floor."

"You won't want to do that."

"Oh won't I? I've certainly had worse."

"No."

"And why's that then?"

"Brazillian Wandering spider, average four and a half inches across."

"How big across?"

"Bigger than the palm of your hand. Deadly. In the Guinness Book of World Records this year as the world's deadliest spider. They're called 'wandering' because they wander the jungle floor rather than building webs or traps. The furniture legs are treated with a particular chemical so they won't climb up. No such protection on the floor."

"Oh."

"They also tend to be thermotropic in these mountains, burrowing into any warm spaces they find; under hotel doors, under a sleeping man-"

"Fine, okay, I'm not sleeping on the floor."

"In fact there was a wonderful murder case a few years ago-"

"Yes, thank you, I've heard enough about the giant killer spiders now. Budge over."

"There is no 'over' into which to 'budge', John."

"There was a minute ago."

"You ceded your claim to the bed space when you decided to sleep on the floor."

"You'd rather I sleep on the floor with the killer spiders?"

"'There's a chair, you could sleep in that.'"

"Now you're just being a smart-arse. Come on, shift."

"I'm only allowing you to reclaim bed space so you won't be entirely useless in the morning."

"Well, then. Thanks for that."

"If you slept in the chair there's a chance your shoulder would seize overnight, and there is the distinct possibility you'll need to shoot someone tomorrow."

"Keep a happy thought."

"Indeed."

"Wait, shoot someone? I'm not your personal assassin!"

"Shoot at someone. Convincingly."

"I didn't even bring my gun, since it would never pass airport security."

"Arrangements have been made."

"Arrangements? I'm not going to a Brazilian prison for this case, Sherlock. Even if it's a prison that's down out of the frigid mountains and has a fantastic view of the beach."

"You won't. We'll discuss the details in the morning."

"Good then. ...Could I have at least a quarter of the pillow? I realise your head's so much more important than mine, but it would be considerate, and keep my neck from cramping."

"Pillow's too small."

"It wasn't before."

"That was before I discovered that you become a custard-snorting pachyderm while asleep."

"Oh leave off!"

"Fine, here. Roll over."

"That's your arm, not the pillow."

"It will function just as well for neck support."

"...Sherlock, are you spooning me?"

"Am I what?"

"Sort of... cuddling up behind me? Arms around me in a kind of hug-like configuration?"

"Seems to be the most efficient use of the bed space, and has the added bonus of pointing your face away from me so I'm not deafened in the night."

"So it's not spooning, it's logic and self-interest?"

"Precisely."

"Well then. That's... logical."

"Are you going to talk all night, or actually sleep?"

"Right. G'nite Sherlock."

"Good night, John."

- - -
(that's it!)

Tags: , , ,
Current Mood: restless restless

94 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
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stardust_made From: stardust_made Date: January 11th, 2011 07:24 am (UTC) (Link)
I have so much love for this fic! It's brilliant- funny, SO in character, squinty and most of all, a fic consistent entirely of dialogue- how do you even... (*is amazed and very impressed*)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I seem to write a lot of dialogue fic, most of what I've written is in another fandom, but the Sherlock characters seem to be prone to just talking too.
fenm From: fenm Date: January 11th, 2011 07:32 am (UTC) (Link)
"I'm not your personal assassin!"

Yeah... just keep telling yourself that, John.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
*giggles*
atlinmerrick From: atlinmerrick Date: January 11th, 2011 07:47 am (UTC) (Link)
""That was before I discovered that you become a custard-snorting pachyderm while asleep.""

I love Sherlock. I love Sherlock and John. And dialog, dialog, dialog is as delicious as custard.

Could you please write more? Thank you.
sethra2000 From: sethra2000 Date: January 11th, 2011 09:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Mmmmmmm yes chocolate custard... with whipped cream and cherries on top... Umm, yeah. I'll just say I loved it and leave it at that huh.
talulahk From: talulahk Date: January 11th, 2011 08:27 am (UTC) (Link)
This is adorable, in character & actually in keeping with the ambiguity of the series!

Love it.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you very much!
girlingoldboots From: girlingoldboots Date: January 11th, 2011 08:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Adorable, but I just had to look up Brazillian Wandering spider, and that takes care of my nightmare fuel for the next week. *shudders* it has red fangs. *shudders again*
darthhellokitty From: darthhellokitty Date: January 11th, 2011 08:56 am (UTC) (Link)
It's REAL?!!! I assumed Sherlock was making it up to get John into bed! I mean, uh, you know. To... get into bed with him.

God, I love this fic.

Oh, shit. I just had to Wikipedia that damn spider...
goldvermilion87 From: goldvermilion87 Date: January 11th, 2011 08:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Haha. I love dialogue-only fics. This was very entertaining.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Glad you liked it.
doxxed_up From: doxxed_up Date: January 11th, 2011 08:50 am (UTC) (Link)
|D I can't get over the 'custard-snorting pachyderm' bits, really...
XD sweet and lovely, thank you for sharing!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you for reading!
starrylizard From: starrylizard Date: January 11th, 2011 08:55 am (UTC) (Link)
lol :D
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
XD
derry667 From: derry667 Date: January 11th, 2011 09:21 am (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful and totally in character snarking. Love it.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! :-)
From: dominique012 Date: January 11th, 2011 09:27 am (UTC) (Link)
Fantastic, funny, and in-character! Terrific fic!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yay! Thank you! I try to keep them in character whenever possible.
ledasdaughter From: ledasdaughter Date: January 11th, 2011 10:21 am (UTC) (Link)
ohh this made me giggle so much :) <3
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Happy to make you giggle!
linda3m From: linda3m Date: January 11th, 2011 10:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Hilarious and adorable! Just what I need on a morning when they expect me to go into work early! Thank you.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
How dare they!
lawless523 From: lawless523 Date: January 11th, 2011 10:41 am (UTC) (Link)
"I'm not your personal assassin!"

But that's exactly what John is! Thanks for the mad giggle fit.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Not officially, though I'm sure Mycroft would be pleased to draw up the paperwork.
embroiderama From: embroiderama Date: January 11th, 2011 12:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heeeeee, that's awesome! I love how you show so much action through the dialogue.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! Sometimes that's tricky, but it seemed to flow okay in this, so 'm happy it worked.
(Deleted comment)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 11th, 2011 04:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
94 comments or Leave a comment
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