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SPN Fanfic: Spongy Yellow Deliciousness - CaffieneKittySpace
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caffienekitty
caffienekitty
SPN Fanfic: Spongy Yellow Deliciousness
I haven't posted fanfic here since February, which is just wrong. No promises this is any good though, and I may chicken out and delete it won't be deleting it unless Hostess threatens to sue.


Title: Spongy Yellow Deliciousness
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating/Content: Gen, PG-13, Silliness. DOES NOT MESH ANY TIMELINES IN ANY WAY. Crack. Not to be taken seriously at all. Title is a quote from Zombieland which I have yet to see.
Word Count: 500-ish
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or any part or portion of Hostess Brands or their owners or subsidiaries, of which Twinkies are a trademarked property. I am not intending to defame Hostess Brands in any way, nor am I suggesting that Twinkies cannot be enjoyed in moderation as part of a healthy diet. I will state very firmly that to my knowledge, no real Twinkie has ever contained mind-altering substances from another dimension.
A/N: Right, so. I wrote this last year when Twinkies stopped being made in the US (because, well, Dean would obviously have something to say), but it seemed kind of blah so I never posted it. I'm posting it now because when I looked it up today out of morbid curiosity, I found that apparently I'm psychic and predicted the Twinkie Reboot that's happening in mid-July this year. O.o

Summary: Dean returns from Purgatory to find that some things have changed.



-
Spongy Yellow Deliciousness
by Caffienekitty
-



Dean dropped his armload of beef jerky, nachos, corn dogs and miscellaneous road food on the gas station counter. Life outside of Purgatory was pretty good, but one more thing was needed to top off the celebratory junk-feast. "Hey, man, where're you hiding the Twinkies?"

The clerk's face fell, like Dean had just told him his dog died.

Dean smiled warily. "...What?"

"You don't know?" the clerk said, voice hushed. "Where have you been?"

"Away." Dean's jaw clenched. "Don't know what?"

"You poor bastard. At least most of us had time to hoard and prepare but-" The clerk shook his head. "You poor, poor bastard."

Fingers itching to grab the clerk by the collar of his green smock and shake answers out of him, Dean growled. "Tell me."

-

The hotel door slammed and Dean's bag of junk food hit the side table, rustling. "Okay. What the hell happened, Sam?"

Sam looked up and blinked. "Uhhh, could you be a little more specific?"

"Twinkies. Ding dongs. What the hell happened?"

"Ah." Sam closed the laptop. "I thought you wouldn't notice because you usually get the knock-off brand-"

"Twinkies! How would I not notice the absence of Twinkies?!" Dean took a breath. "Just- just tell me what happened, Sam."

Sam ran a hand through his hair and grimaced. "Well, it was partly economics, but it was mostly Dick Roman."

"Dick Roman ended Twinkies?" Dean growled.

"In a way." Sam shrugged. "Twinkies are almost solid corn syrup and chemicals. The Leviathans' plan with the food chain meant that the entire product line was heavily contaminated. They had a stockpile of that Leviathan crap that would last them for ages. Near as I can tell, hunters took it out."

"Are you telling me hunters burned down the Twinkie factory? Because that's so many levels of wrong-"

"No, no. They did some kind of-" Sam waved a hand in the air "-thing, talked to the union reps, gave them a little demonstration of what Dick Roman's stuff did to people... it was all bureaucratic and put down to economic conditions. The stockpile is destroyed. No bloodshed."

"But Twinkies, Sam! Ding Dongs!"

"Other manufacturers are interested in the recipes. They'll be back in production before you know it, this time without the Leviathan corn syrup."

"How long?"

"Six months, maybe a year."

"A year. With no Twinkies." Dean sat down at the hotel dinette table and thunked his forehead against the aged formica.

-

It was only seven months and several thousand miles later when Dean spotted the distinctively-marked truck going South on the I 25.

"Sam!" Dean swatted his dozing brother. "Look!"

Sam grunted, rubbed his eyes and looked out the window at the truck's familiar Hostess logo, freshly painted yellow cream-filled sponge cake glowing in the July pre-dawn light.

"Twinkies," Dean whispered reverently. "They're back."

Sam snorted and shook his head.

Dean's smirk drooped a little, and he frowned as he stared back out at the road rolling past. "It's just, you know. No more Leviathan goop. I just thought-"

Sam laughed."It's fine, Dean. I understand. Let's follow the Twinkie truck."

Dean grinned and pulled the Impala into the slow lane behind it, following the truck all the way to Denver.

- - -

(that's all)

Tags: , , , , ,
Current Mood: anxious anxious
Current Music: "I Am A Gummy Bear" ~ Gummibär

33 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: June 26th, 2013 03:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha!! I loved Ding Dongs as a kid, so I understand some of Dean's anguish;)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 27th, 2013 04:45 am (UTC) (Link)
I figure they're pretty close behind pie and cheeseburgers in the Dean standard menu.
samalander_dawn From: samalander_dawn Date: June 26th, 2013 04:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
hee!
that would be truly devastating for Dean, wouldn't it?
(they're rebooting Twinkies? are they AU Twinkies with a cameo from an original snackcake?)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 27th, 2013 04:46 am (UTC) (Link)
(they're rebooting Twinkies? are they AU Twinkies with a cameo from an original snackcake?)

This made me laugh far more than was reasonable, thank you.
irismay42 From: irismay42 Date: June 26th, 2013 06:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've commented on your psychic ability before, I believe...
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 27th, 2013 04:47 am (UTC) (Link)
It usually only works on fictional story developments though, or I'd've won the lotto by now.
darkrose_9 From: darkrose_9 Date: June 29th, 2013 01:07 am (UTC) (Link)
I think my reaction when I found out was about the same as Dean's. But...you said they're coming back? o.O *blinks, then runs around in circle, arms up, screaming Spongebob style*

Ahem. Twinkies may be a guilty pleasure of mine. Dean too aparently. ;)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 29th, 2013 05:36 am (UTC) (Link)
There was a recent announcement in the news, I think they are saying Twinkies (and the other stuff too I guess?) are being re-launched in the US on July 15th.
notmykl From: notmykl Date: June 30th, 2013 08:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Twinkies and chocolate pudding are mana from the gods. Man I haven't had a Twinkie nor a Ding Dong in ages - mainly cause I couldn't find Hostess stuff around here.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 30th, 2013 10:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
There haven't been any in the US since the end of last year, but they should be back in stores in mid-July in your area.
kiramaru7 From: kiramaru7 Date: July 1st, 2013 11:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
*giggles* That was just cute for words! I can sooo see them following that Twinkie truck too! XD
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:05 am (UTC) (Link)
They probably wouldn't be the only ones.
ficwriter1966 From: ficwriter1966 Date: July 1st, 2013 11:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Awesome!!!

I felt unreasonably depressed when I went into the newsstand a few weeks ago and saw the gaping absence of those little Hostess donuts. 'Twas a sad, sad thing, and I am with Dean in his rejoicing over the return of all that poisonous goodness. :)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Dean needs his sugar after all.
antrazi From: antrazi Date: July 2nd, 2013 12:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Reading the comments these things have to be really good. No idea. But I loved Dean's reaction
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:04 am (UTC) (Link)
It's more that it's a cultural icon of junk food than any mark of being notably good. They're a very sweet, moist, yellow sponge cake the size of the palm of a hand, filled with a thick sweet whipped cream. *looks at your user info, then Googles* Something like a light Eischwerkuchen filled with light fluffy buttercreme, and very sweet and moist?
cuddyclothes From: cuddyclothes Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Great ficlet! I loved Twinkies as a kid, but my deepest love was for Swiss Rolls. That was a LOT of cake and filling for the money!

Little Debbies just don't compare.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:10 am (UTC) (Link)
There were some knock-off raspberry swiss rolls available around here not too long back. They tasted like chemicals and sadness.
nicole_sill From: nicole_sill Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Brilliantly tied into the Leviathan story arc! I work in retail and when the Twinkie company went bust I had a moment of despair. I'm a big fan of the orange cupcakes myself!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:34 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't think those ever made it north of the border.
mandraco From: mandraco Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Lol. You are a genius. =)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:33 am (UTC) (Link)
I mean come on, Twinkies disappearing around the same time as Dick Roman and the Leviathans? There had to be a connection. XD
chellexxx From: chellexxx Date: July 2nd, 2013 05:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Sam laughed."It's fine, Dean. I understand. Let's follow the Twinkie truck."

I honestly snorted when read this line, hysterical

xxx
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 3rd, 2013 03:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Glad you enjoyed it!
linvro21 From: linvro21 Date: July 2nd, 2013 07:03 am (UTC) (Link)
I'll start off with: Don't you dare delete this fic.
"Twinkies," Dean whispered reverently. "They're back." lol!
And I've never even eaten one :)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 3rd, 2013 03:54 am (UTC) (Link)
Okay, I won't delete it (unless Hostess threatens to sue).
blackrabbit42 From: blackrabbit42 Date: July 2nd, 2013 01:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
This SO happened.

:)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 3rd, 2013 03:54 am (UTC) (Link)
It really did! \o/
33 comments or Leave a comment