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SPN Fanfic: Lepus Sasquatchicus - CaffieneKittySpace
('i' before 'e' if you're looking for me)
SPN Fanfic: Lepus Sasquatchicus
Title: Lepus Sasquatchicus
Rating: GEN, PG
Word Count: 480
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Prompt: (from superbadgirl) "Sam in a fluffy bunny suit (pink), with cotton candy. And maybe a cake/cupcakes."
A/N: Repost of Comment-fic for the spngenlove Celebrating Sam Comment Fic Meme.

Lepus Sasquatchicus
by CaffieneKitty

Sam sweltered in a costume made from the pelts of a thousand bunny slippers and glowered at the table full of blank cupcakes and cupcake toppings, waiting for kids to design their own sugar rush. Beside him at the Fun Fair the cotton-candy machine was going full tilt; the gawky teenager running the rented machine flung the sugar into the center with loads of energy and next to no aim. Wisps of sugar, flossed and un-flossed, roiled out of the machine in a wave of high-calorie detritus.

Sam's fur was sticky. He was sure the vague buzzing behind him was every flying insect in a ten-mile radius harvesting his bountiful fields of pink fuzz. His head ached from the heat, the buzzing, the wafting aerosolized sugar and the constant happy shrieking of kids.

At least it's happy shrieking. No sign of the Pale Man selecting a kid to have for dinner. Thank god.

His cell phone rang. He sighed, took off one of the costume's hands, (eliciting a disturbed stare from the chocolate-coated two-year-old currently mashing her cupcake into the tablecloth under the indulgent eye of her mother), and dug his phone out of the least-conveniently-located pocket imaginable, glancing at the display.

Of course it was Dean. Sam wedged the phone in past the costume's giant buck teeth.

"How's it going, Flopsy?" Sam could hear the grin in Dean's voice.

"This isn't fair, Dean."

"Of course it's fair."

"You cheated."

"Dude, I do know when not to throw scissors."

"When it makes me have to wear a pink bunny costume?"


Sam fumed. Sweat trickled down the small of Sam's back, itching in a location he couldn't reach without eviscerating 'Mr. Bunny' in front of the thundering herds of kids. "Is there some reason you called other than to mock me?"

"Aw, who's a grumpy bunny?"


"I called because I think we're on the wrong track."

"What? Why?"

"There's something in the lake."


"I've been helping the guy who rents out the peddle-boats all day. He says something's been-"

"The peddle-boats? The giant swans?" Sam grinned.

"Dude, I'm talking about the case here. He says in the evenings, he sees something dark coming in from the deep parts of the lake. From the smell of him he hits the sauce pretty hard, but there's some webbed footprints along the shore that ain't made by a fiberglass paddle-swan."

"So the deaths aren't linked to the Fun Fair at all, just the lake?"


"So neither of us needed to wear the bunny suit?"


"Screw this then, I'm out of here." Sam disconnected and extracted the phone, stuck it back into the inconvenient pocket and removed the costume's head.

A cluster of kids under the age of five stood in front of the cupcake table, frozen in horror.

"Uh... This-"

In unison, the kids drew breath and screamed. The assortment of parents glared as Sam took off running towards the change rooms, bunny head under his arm, swatting away swarms of insects.

- - -
(that's it)

Tags: , , ,
Current Mood: amused amused

28 comments or Leave a comment
(Deleted comment)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 05:17 am (UTC) (Link)
bugeyedmonster From: bugeyedmonster Date: August 10th, 2009 05:40 am (UTC) (Link)
Bwah-ha-ha-ha! Funny!

caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 05:43 am (UTC) (Link)
dougysue From: dougysue Date: August 10th, 2009 06:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Giggles. But it REALLY needs a picture, just, yanno, as visual aid. To change LMAO to ROTFLMAO.
dougysue From: dougysue Date: August 10th, 2009 06:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Like this, but Sammified.

He's also lucky. The pocket may have been inconveniently placed, but it wasn't obscenely placed.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 03:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Cute picture. :-)
ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: August 10th, 2009 08:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Sporting big foolish grin here. Need some fluffy pointless pink sugar now though..lol Oh yes, awesome:)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 03:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Glad you liked it. Check out the comment-fic meme if you get a chance, it's nifty. :-)
kimmer1227 From: kimmer1227 Date: August 10th, 2009 11:01 am (UTC) (Link)

The idea of Sam trying to run away in that bunny suit cracks me the hell up.

caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
The huge feet flapping, the fluffy white tail bouncing... XD
delphinapterus From: delphinapterus Date: August 10th, 2009 01:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Awesome. The image of hugh season 4 Sam in that pink suit is killing me *g* But then you put Dean with swan paddle boats... I love your fic. It's always note perfect on their banter.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 03:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aw, thank you! :-D Yeah, Season 4 Sam is even less of a bunny suit guy than season 1 Sam.
ficwriter1966 From: ficwriter1966 Date: August 10th, 2009 01:51 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh, DEAN. You underhanded little [insert Sammy's choice of expletive]. Yep, you know when *not* to throw the scissors.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Crawling into dark, dangerous places, letting Sammy hang around with the hot chick while Dean goes werewolf stalking = Scissors.

Sam wearing a pink bunny suit =/= Scissors.
tigriswolf From: tigriswolf Date: August 10th, 2009 02:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, man! So awesome.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
aescu From: aescu Date: August 10th, 2009 03:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
You know, stories like that are the reason why you are my favourite author. It's hilarous bordering on crack but it's in character and totally plausible. I can really imagine Sam and Dean having this conversation. And Sam being stuck in the bunny outfit. And Dean laughing his ass of. And ofcourse all those kids that are now in serious need of counceling. Thanks for sharing :)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 03:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aww, thank you!
malevolent73 From: malevolent73 Date: August 10th, 2009 03:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Once upon a time I had this conversation with my daughter after we rewatched Heart. Daughter: "He always picks scissors?" Me: "As far as I can tell. That's what they say anyway." D: "Why?" Me: "I don't know! I think he's saving up for something he really, really NEEDS to win someday."

This was excellent. At first I pictured Sam as young, like it was some sort of school thing, but when I read they were hunting it got even funnier.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 10th, 2009 04:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think he's saving up for something he really, really NEEDS to win someday.

*nods* Yep. Or one of these days, Sam's going to turn the tables on him and throw paper. :-D

I'm glad you liked it. I was thinking season 1-ish when I wrote it, but it kind of works for any season.
irismay42 From: irismay42 Date: August 10th, 2009 06:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heh heh - genius! And I love the idea that Dean actually knows what he's doing when he throws scissors...!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 11th, 2009 03:18 am (UTC) (Link)
I think he does. I hope the show writers think he does too. :-)
samalander_dawn From: samalander_dawn Date: August 10th, 2009 08:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
:D :D :D :D <3

extra perfect as I was at a fair just yesterday and I'm now picturing Sam-bunny in the spot beside the Blacksmith tent worrying about sparks :D

(that would be one scary tall fluffy pink bunny....Dean, I love you :D )
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 11th, 2009 03:20 am (UTC) (Link)
Darn! I could have thrown in a Harvey reference! Sam's taller though. :-)
samalander_dawn From: samalander_dawn Date: August 11th, 2009 04:24 am (UTC) (Link)
LOL! you could've! must see that in full some day.... :)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 11th, 2009 04:28 am (UTC) (Link)
I've got it on VHS somewhere. It's a cute movie, and you can't go far wrong with Jimmy Stewart. :-)
aerwynblue From: aerwynblue Date: August 12th, 2009 11:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee, hee! Awesome!

This gave me a much-needed chuckle. Thank you.

Also reminds me of the time that some of my co-workers had to wear a full-sized Pink Panther costume (complete with BIG feet and tail)to advertise a major insulation company whose products we sell in our store (think orange box.) If I recall, they were advised not to remove the head while still on the sales floor, lest they traumatize the little tykes as they (said tykes)were climbing on the displays and running amok.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: August 13th, 2009 06:46 am (UTC) (Link)
Glad you enjoyed it! Children and costumed mascots are trauma waiting to happen.
28 comments or Leave a comment