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SPN Fanfic: The Effanineffable Secret - CaffieneKittySpace
('i' before 'e' if you're looking for me)
SPN Fanfic: The Effanineffable Secret
Title: The Effanineffable Secret
Characters: Sam, Dean
Classification: GEN, AU, alternate scene, conversation, crack
Rating: GEN, G.
Warnings: Um... None really. General second season spoilerishness. (Includes a small graphic.)
Word Count:322 words
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and I am on nothing.
Summary:What if John had told Dean an entirely different secret?
A/N:Short AU Crack Conversation for the spn_crackfic REVERSAL Challenge. Take your favourite angsty scene/episode from the series (anything, whether it's Devil's trap, In My Time of Dying or Born Under a Bad Sign) and make it cracktastic. While I wouldn't call this my favourite angsty scene, it's just begging for reversal. There's a graphic for this lunacy (generated on one of those daft "make your own avatar" sites) at the end.

by CaffieneKitty

The Effanineffable Secret
At the lake shore in the beginning of "Hunted". AU. Craaaaaaack.

"Before Dad died he... he told me something. Something about you."

"What? Dean, what did he tell you."

"He said... He told me you're... you're..."

"What? Evil? Half-demon? Going to lead an army of hellspawn or something? What?!"

"He told me... you're a were-kitten, Sammy."

"I knew it! I knew I was destined to... wait a minute. A what??"

"A were-kitten. I couldn't believe it either."

"But... what? When?"

"I've been thinking about it since Dad told me, and I guess it must have been ever since you were nine."

"Since I was nine? How?"

"That thing in your closet cursed you. See, I thought the kitten stuff was just a one-time curse, but I guess it stuck around."

"You've seen this happen?"

"Yeah, you were a kitten for most of a month afterward. Ginger tabby. Cute as hell. Dad did some ritual thing, though and I thought it was all over and done with a long time ago."

"Buh... But that makes no sense. I don't remember ever turning into a kitten, Dean! I would have noticed..."

"No, I wish it wasn't true, Sammy, but it is. Dad told me he's been secretly doing a transformation suppression ritual on you every month since you got cursed."

"...So, when he came to see me without me knowing at Stanford, he was-"

"-hanging in the ivy outside your window, burning catnip leaves and sacrificing a can of tuna. Or something."

"Or something?"

"Yeah. Dad didn't tell me the exact instructions for the ritual, just that it was in his journal."

"Dean, we've spent over a year going through Dad's journal looking for stuff and not once have we seen any kind of... were-kitten suppression ritual."

"Well, we weren't exactly looking for it were we?"

"Uh... Well, no."

"Anyway, we better figure it out quick, just in case you get an urge to, I dunno, sleep with a werewolf some day."

"What? Why would I do something like that?"

"I have no idea. C'mon. Finish your beer, we've gotta get you a litter box before nightfall."

- - -
(that's all... sort of.)

Now, here's that graphic I mentioned...


Dean Winchester and Sammy the Were-kitten, crica 1992
generated using elouai's doll maker 3

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Current Mood: weird weird
Current Music: "Immigrant Song" ~ Led Zeppelin

34 comments or Leave a comment
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thelonejuliet From: thelonejuliet Date: June 25th, 2007 03:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Hehe. That is awesome. I love it! Lol
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 25th, 2007 06:59 am (UTC) (Link)
That is the cutest icon! Thanks for commenting!
mitchsgirl From: mitchsgirl Date: June 25th, 2007 12:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh my freaking God. And I have ginger tabbies named Sam & Dean.

caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 26th, 2007 07:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Hee! That's so cool! :-D
curtainpull From: curtainpull Date: June 25th, 2007 01:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Amazing! I love the picture of Dean and the were kitten! Also, the ritual:

"-hanging in the ivy outside your window, burning catnip leaves and sacrificing a can of tuna. Or something."

Is the best thing ever. Thanks so much for doing this challenge, ,loving it!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 26th, 2007 07:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for announcing it on your page! I never would have heard of the challenge otherwise!
mariana_oconnor From: mariana_oconnor Date: June 25th, 2007 02:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Lol! That was awesome. I never saw it coming - seriously- werekitten!? You know he'd be the cutest thing ever as a cat... until someone did something to Dean then he'd go all cool and ninja with his claws out.

I want a Sam-kitty dammit!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 26th, 2007 07:38 am (UTC) (Link)
Yep, he'd be a claw-waving, snarling, ball of furious ginger fluff. Evil things wouldn't know what hit them! :-D
eesia From: eesia Date: June 25th, 2007 06:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
a litter box
Oh dear...
Thank you for that!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 26th, 2007 07:39 am (UTC) (Link)
You're welcome! :-)
astrothsknot From: astrothsknot Date: June 25th, 2007 09:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 26th, 2007 07:39 am (UTC) (Link)
culturegeek76 From: culturegeek76 Date: June 26th, 2007 02:34 am (UTC) (Link)
See - this is a scene that should really be included on the gagreel.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 26th, 2007 07:45 am (UTC) (Link)
What I'd like to see on the gag reel is...

(cover your eyes if you haven't seen the final two episodes and don't want to be spoiled for something really major...)

...is 'dead' Sammy coming back to life at the end of "All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1" and tickling the daylights out of Dean. Because his hands are in perfect position for a serious tickle-ambush just then....
dragonwaggin From: dragonwaggin Date: June 26th, 2007 09:09 am (UTC) (Link)
Here from the newsletter. Loved the last line, laughed so hard the dog woke up and gave me the evil-eye. LOL
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 27th, 2007 04:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Ah, yes. Most dogs have a notable aversion to were-kittens. *nods sagely*
jacedesbff From: jacedesbff Date: June 27th, 2007 02:24 am (UTC) (Link)

This may be on the funniest things I have ever read in fandom.


were-kitten suppression ritual

Can we see one on the show? Purty please? With sugar on tops? And catnip?
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 27th, 2007 04:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! Heh, it'd be truly bizarre to see that on the show. Although I wish I could film the little image in my head of John hanging onto a trellis at Stanford in the middle of the night and doing weird things with catnip.
girlfan1979 From: girlfan1979 Date: July 4th, 2007 04:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Absolutely fab, the whole thing.

The ritual:

"-hanging in the ivy outside your window, burning catnip leaves and sacrificing a can of tuna. Or something."

freakin' Priceless!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 5th, 2007 06:58 am (UTC) (Link)
shadow_of_doubt From: shadow_of_doubt Date: July 4th, 2007 05:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is hilarious and adorable! I've linked to it at http://community.livejournal.com/bobbyslibrary/ .
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 5th, 2007 06:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for letting me know! :-)
nativestar From: nativestar Date: September 7th, 2007 11:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Lovely and oh so funny. Thanks for sharing.

This was recced at spn_epific so I'll be adding it to the master fic list there if you don't object.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: September 7th, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha! Awesome! Thank you! :-)
credulesque From: credulesque Date: June 10th, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC) (Link)

This one was priceless, omg *wipes away tear*

caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: June 11th, 2008 06:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! Sam makes a cute kitten. :-)
calamityjim From: calamityjim Date: November 28th, 2010 06:49 am (UTC) (Link)
I just re envisioned every season since John died with Sam as a were kitten.

Can you imagine? The final confrontation! Jake vs Sam. Jake lunges, ready to plunge a knife in his back and then suddenly Sam's a kitten and Jake trips over him and falls on his own knife.

Or when Hendrickson captures them? Infinite comedic possibility. :D
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: November 30th, 2010 04:26 am (UTC) (Link)
It's shocking what difference being a were-kitten makes.
lolaann1 From: lolaann1 Date: February 18th, 2013 12:14 am (UTC) (Link)
...burning catnip leaves and sacrificing a can of tuna. Or something

That's fantastic! I rarely get to hear or use the word were-kitten, but it always makes me giggle when I do :D

Edited at 2013-02-18 12:15 am (UTC)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: February 21st, 2013 06:12 am (UTC) (Link)
It's not a common word. :-)
34 comments or Leave a comment
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