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Random original poem - CaffieneKittySpace
('i' before 'e' if you're looking for me)
caffienekitty
caffienekitty
Random original poem
The storm comes up
beside me,
nestles in,
a comfortable friend.

Wind breathes through,
seeking surreptitious crevices.
Trees bend and wheels
hush along rain-slick roads.

A moment of peace.

Tags: , ,
Current Mood: calm calm
Current Music: rain and wind and traffic.

10 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
bugeyedmonster From: bugeyedmonster Date: January 8th, 2010 11:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nice.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 9th, 2010 10:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks
sxymami0909 From: sxymami0909 Date: January 9th, 2010 01:40 am (UTC) (Link)
I really like this. It was beautifully written. I particularly liked these lines:

"Wind breathes through,
seeking surreptitious crevices."
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 9th, 2010 10:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! :-)
ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: January 9th, 2010 09:03 am (UTC) (Link)
I can hear the moan and hiss of wind in the "s" words you chose--great touch:)

Edited at 2010-01-09 09:03 am (UTC)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 9th, 2010 10:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I don't get ambushed by poetry very often (or at least poetry I'm comfy with the world seeing) so I figured I should post it.
teithiwr From: teithiwr Date: January 9th, 2010 11:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, this is well nice! I like the bareness of it, if you get what I mean? And in that vein, a wee bit of concrit: I'd lose the last line. I think the feeling comes across very well otherwise too, and the final line just underlines it a bit too much for my taste, you know?
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 10th, 2010 02:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, I wasn't too thrilled with the last line myself, but at the time my brain needed beaten with a brickbat saying "You. Are. Having. A. Moment. Of. Freaking. PEACE!!!" So that's why it stayed in. It wouldn't have otherwise. XD
dendritejungle From: dendritejungle Date: January 11th, 2010 11:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Mmmm. Lovely.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: January 12th, 2010 06:52 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you :-)
10 comments or Leave a comment