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SPN Ficlet: Make a Statement Without Saying a Word (Conversation) - CaffieneKittySpace
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caffienekitty
caffienekitty
SPN Ficlet: Make a Statement Without Saying a Word (Conversation)
Title: Make a Statement Without Saying a Word
Characters: Sam, Dean
Rating/Warning: GEN, PG, CONVERSATION. Crack.
Word Count: 390
Disclaimer: Not mine. Title is from the advertising slogan of Exclamation perfume, which I also do not own and towards whom I bear no ill-will.
A/N: I have no idea. At all. o.O


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Make a Statement Without Saying a Word
by CaffieneKitty
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Timeline: Right after... I dunno, Family Remains. Sure. Why not. *handwaves*
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"Smell me."

"God no!"

"No, seriously, smell me."

"Dude. You're a sick individual. And stupid if you think I'm getting my nose within five feet of you."

"Dean... Seriously. This is weird."

"When did you last eat a burrito?"

"What? Tuesday. Come on. I need you to tell me what I smell like so I can see if I'm having an olfactory hallucination."

"...Come again?"

"Just smell me!"

"Okay, fine, but if you fart I swear I'm gonna punch you in the face."

"Fine."

"... okay, now I almost wish you had farted."

"What do I smell like?"

"Like that cheap-ass cologne from- god, it's burning through my brain."

"From when?"

"I dunno, you were a kid. Some school dance thing. You found a bottle cheap somewhere and practically bathed in the crap before the dance. We ended up using the rest to torch corpses that summer."

"'Tempestuous Ocean Musk.'"

"Yeah, that's the crap. Rotten flowers and seaweed that something peed on. Where did you find it and why did you put it on instead of setting it on fire?"

"I didn't. I woke up this morning and this is what I smelled like."

"Did you roll in something in your sleep?"

"No. I've showered three times, Dean. I still smell like this stuff and the last time I wore any I was fourteen. What the hell?"

"That's really weird."

"Did you think I'd've asked you to smell me if it wasn't weird?"

"Okay. Okay. Do smells have ghosts?"

"What? No... Although sometimes ghosts are associated with smells..."

"Anyone die at that school dance?"

"Only socially."

"What?"

"No, Dean, no one died."

"Okay... Hey, I got an idea."

"Great, what splacgh!"

"There! Look!"

"What the-! Holy water?"

"See! You're smoking! You're, I dunno, possessed by some kind of minor stink-demon."

"...what? But the tattoo-"

"Only works if the demon tries to get inside you. This is possessing your surface."

"What!?"

"I guess?"

"How does that even work, Dean?"

"I dunno. It's possessing your pores?"

"Seriously?"

"Hey, there was smoke from the holy water and I don't hear any screaming, so... whatever. Makes as much sense as being haunted by the stinkiest cologne in the world."

"Fine. My pores are possessed by a minor stink-demon. What now?"

"Easy enough to fix! You stay there and don't touch anything, I'll go bless the bathtub."

"Great. Wonderful."

"Too bad it wasn't a full-on possession, because it would be fantastic if we could cure your burrito problem with a holy water bath."

"Just shut up and bless the bathtub."

- - -
(That's it. Like I said, I have no idea.)

Conversations Index

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39 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
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tehomet From: tehomet Date: July 12th, 2010 10:18 am (UTC) (Link)
'Just shut up and bless the bathtub.'

LOL!

Great story. Very funny. And possibly the most original opening line ever. :)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 12th, 2010 03:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Not something men often say to each other, that.
embroiderama From: embroiderama Date: July 12th, 2010 11:31 am (UTC) (Link)
Heeee! I can just see Dean's face when Sam was asking him to smell him. And aw, poor stinky teenage Sam!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 12th, 2010 03:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Poor Sam indeed. :-)
saberivojo From: saberivojo Date: July 12th, 2010 12:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
You make me laugh routinely. This was no exception.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 12th, 2010 03:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Happy to provide. :-)
ficwriter1966 From: ficwriter1966 Date: July 12th, 2010 01:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
BWAH! That is AWESOME. *cackles*
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 12th, 2010 03:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
aescu From: aescu Date: July 12th, 2010 01:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
*rofl*
As always you have their voices just perfectly captured - I could see Sam's bitch face when he had to ask Dean repeatedly to smell him XD
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 12th, 2010 03:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
silvainshadows From: silvainshadows Date: July 12th, 2010 02:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
ROFL. This is cracktastic and hilarious.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 12th, 2010 03:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
irismay42 From: irismay42 Date: July 12th, 2010 05:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heeee! And you wrong-footed me for a second at the beginning, as "Smell me," sounds like something Dean would say! He's obviously having an adverse effect on Sam!

I adore the idea of being possessed by cologne, by the way...
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 12th, 2010 06:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
It is a kind of Dean-ish situation, but Sam was insisting he was the smelly one, so I went with it.

I adore the idea of being possessed by cologne, by the way...

Really, some colognes are evil enough to possess a person.
samalander_dawn From: samalander_dawn Date: July 12th, 2010 06:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOL! utterly wacky and yet I can totally see it, down t the smirk with Dean's last line and Sam's absolute bitchface :D

(Mum says she's pretty sure you're a genius btw :) surface possession? oh ya :D)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 12th, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Not a genius, just insane. :-P
davincis_girl From: davincis_girl Date: July 12th, 2010 10:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is freakin' amazing!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 12th, 2010 10:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heh, thanks :-)
izhilzha From: izhilzha Date: July 13th, 2010 04:38 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh wow, you are awesome.

"I dunno. It's possessing your pores?"

*lols forever*
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 13th, 2010 05:20 am (UTC) (Link)
*blushes* Thanks!
kwhiteshark From: kwhiteshark Date: July 13th, 2010 06:13 am (UTC) (Link)
Absolutely cracktastic! lmao!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 13th, 2010 03:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
borgmama1of5 From: borgmama1of5 Date: July 13th, 2010 02:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
ROFL!

Perfect snark!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 13th, 2010 03:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
seesmooshrun From: seesmooshrun Date: July 14th, 2010 01:20 am (UTC) (Link)
Okay, this seriously made me laugh out loud. Especially the "splacgh!" Very original and, like you, I have *no* idea...
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 14th, 2010 03:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Glad you liked it!
ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: July 14th, 2010 03:48 am (UTC) (Link)
You know, everytime I think I have no energy and can't laugh I figure just read it, and damn if I don't cackle like the Witch of the West. And I also remember that crap...yeesh. Right up there with Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 14th, 2010 05:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Gaaaaaah. (Glad you liked the story) :-)
(Deleted comment)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 14th, 2010 03:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
39 comments or Leave a comment
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