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Sherlock Fanfic: Good Fences - CaffieneKittySpace
('i' before 'e' if you're looking for me)
Sherlock Fanfic: Good Fences
Title: Good Fences
Fandom: Sherlock (BBC 2010)
Disclaimer: I did not originate these characters or this world.
Word Count: 700
Rating/Warnings: GEN. PG-13. Conversation format. Humour?
A/N: Title from a line I had in a play once which I’ve just found out was cribbed from a poem by Robert Frost, so wahey! This is nothing but a quick attempt to relieve stress and get my mind off RL crap. No plot, only scenes.
Summary: Sherlock Holmes, his various neighbours/landlords over the years and four times the door was slammed between them and one time it wasn’t. Or something. *handwaves*

Good Fences
by CaffieneKitty

“Could you keep the violin down after midnight, please?”

“Why? You’re rarely in before two am, and while your spouse may be an idiot who genuinely believes you’re at the office that late, you and I both know that’s not true.”

“I resent that implication.”

“Oh, I’m not implying anything, I’m stating a fact.”

“I don’t take kindly to threats, you!”

“Mister Veitch, I am not threatening you. As I said, I am stating a fact. I have no interest in your personal life or peccadilloes beyond their possibility as motives for murder.”

“Murder? What? I’m not going to kill anyone!”

“Shame. Although I have high hopes for your mistress.”


“Likes a lot of jewelry, does she? Has she asked you about your life insurance policy coverage yet?”



“Oi, what do you want? It’s gone ten o’clock.”

“I need some peroxide and the shops are closed. Vitally important, life or death.”

“Some what?”

“Peroxide. Hydrogen peroxide. Did you not hear the part where I said ‘Life or death’?”

“I might have some, daughter’s got this bleach thing she does-”

“Streaks, yes, that’s why I’m asking you. She streaks her hair using peroxide, and I need some now or someone might die.

“Well. I’ll see if I can find- Hang on, you’ve been watching my daughter?”

“No more than I watch everyone else, though she does go out of her way to be noticeable. Peroxide? Now? Or must I break into the Boots down the road?”

“You keep your eyes off my daughter! I’m going to warn her about you!”

“Ugh, such pedestrian assumptions, will I never hear the end of them? Never mind, Boots it is then.”

“Stay away from my daughter!”



“I’m sorry to trouble you, Mr. Holmes, but are your drains all right?”

“My what?”


“Oh, I thought you said ‘brains’. My brains are fine, as are my drains.”

“It’s just... there’s a funny sort of smell coming down from your flat. The vents in your kitchen connect to mine.”

“Ah. That would be the formaldehyde.”

“Formaldehyde? What for?”

“Well, for the brains, obviously.



“Can I help you? Oh, you’re the bloke from upstairs, aren’t you?”

“Yes. You are allergic to something. You sniffle every one and a half minutes on average and I can hear you through the floor.”

“Really! Ears like a bat, you’ve got!”

“Not really, the walls are quite thin and the floor is uninsulated and you’re driving me mad with the inexorable sniffing. It’s post-nasal drip water torture. Here.”

“What’s this then?”


“Well... that’s very kind of you!”

“This isn’t kindness, it’s self-preservation, because if I am forced to endure the sound of your mucous-impeded aspirations every ninety seconds, I will kill something. Which would be unfortunate, as it would likely be you, and my tenuous relationship with Scotland Yard would be grievously impaired if I committed sinus-drainage-motivated murder.”

“I’m sorry, but you might do what?”

“Twice in each nostril every half hour. Must dash, I’ve got severed fingers on the stove.”



“Any good murders in today, Sherlock?”

“No, only an insultingly inept fraud and some general testing on... hm. You probably don’t want to know.”

“Well, that’s all right then. I’ve just put the kettle on, dear. Will Dr. Watson be in soon?”

“No. He’s out.”

“At the surgery?”

“No. Never mind. Do you have a meat thermometer I could borrow?”

“Well, I do have one, but I’ve got a roast in for Sunday. Would I be getting it back before then?”

“Yes. Probably.”

“Would it be sanitary enough to use on something people would be eating? Possibly even yourself and Doctor Watson?”

“...Never mind.”

“I did replace some kitchen things with new not too long ago, I might have an old meat thermometer in the box of things for the charity shop. Never get round to taking it in. I’ll have a good look.”

“I would appreciate it, Mrs. Hudson.”

“Happy to help, Sherlock. I’ll bring you back some tea if nothing else. I always make too much for one, no sense it going to waste. You know my door is always open for you.”


“...Within reason, dear.”

- - -
(that’s all)

Tags: , ,
Current Mood: drained drained

34 comments or Leave a comment
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ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: March 26th, 2011 06:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Hee!!! "sinus-drainage-motivated murder" That, right there, still giggling like an idiot..lol Awesomesauce:)

lady_sallie From: lady_sallie Date: March 26th, 2011 03:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
been there. so very much wanted to do it.
gayalondiel From: gayalondiel Date: March 26th, 2011 11:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Really enjoyable. *loves Mrs Hudson*
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 26th, 2011 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. Mrs. Hudson is lovable.
(Deleted comment)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 26th, 2011 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! :-)
seergirl From: seergirl Date: March 26th, 2011 03:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yet more proof that Mrs. Hudson is awesome, irregardless of incarnation.

Very in charecter. Lovely.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 26th, 2011 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Indeed. Thank you!
sabrinaphynn From: sabrinaphynn Date: March 26th, 2011 03:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
I can totally see this. Should you decide to do more, may I suggest Snoring?! Please, it is seriously annoying!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 26th, 2011 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
burntcopper From: burntcopper Date: March 26th, 2011 03:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
HEE. that is all. Also, Mrs Hudson, is, of course, awesome.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 26th, 2011 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Absolutely. Everyone needs a Mrs. Hudson.
r34dinglight From: r34dinglight Date: March 26th, 2011 05:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Visions of his past neighbors are now making me giggle as I can see everyone of the first lot all going on about their *mad nieghbor*. And then there is Mrs Hudson who, bless her, sees beyond his crazy to the person underneath. A still rather complicated and at times difficult person, hence the reminder of "Within reason, dear". lol!

Really cute expansion of canon!(hope your difficult RL stuff is over now, FX next week will be better)

Edited at 2011-03-26 05:08 pm (UTC)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 27th, 2011 05:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. That's a well-put observation of Mrs. Hudson.
jerel From: jerel Date: March 26th, 2011 05:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Loved all of these, but the Mrs. Hudson one made me laugh the loudest. She is a special, special woman. :)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 27th, 2011 05:01 am (UTC) (Link)
stilettov From: stilettov Date: March 26th, 2011 06:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is a delicious little piece, and the "brains" vignette is a stroke of genius. I love the dialogue-only format, it really picks up the pace and kicks exposition to the curb. Adding to the fanfic folder fo shizzle.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 27th, 2011 05:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! Some things just seem to fit a conversation format.
archea2 From: archea2 Date: March 26th, 2011 07:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aww that's adorable. Bless Mrs Hudson's unending patience and motherliness.

The brains quid pro quo was excellent!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 27th, 2011 05:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Hee! Thanks!
ungalad From: ungalad Date: March 26th, 2011 08:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
I love this! you always get their voices right. ♥
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 27th, 2011 05:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Aww, thank you. :-)
rachelindeed From: rachelindeed Date: March 26th, 2011 08:36 pm (UTC) (Link)

I think my favorite part was the line about post-nasal-drip water torture. But they were all hilarious. Thank you for this!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 27th, 2011 05:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for reading!
embroiderama From: embroiderama Date: March 27th, 2011 02:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Heeee! You show so much through the dialogue here.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 27th, 2011 05:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I seem to do a lot of dialog fic, so I'm glad it's well received.
tigriswolf From: tigriswolf Date: March 28th, 2011 01:22 am (UTC) (Link)
This is glorious. And Mrs. Hudson is adorable at the end.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 28th, 2011 03:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Mrs. Hudson is the Bobby Singer of the Sherlock 'verse. Trufax.
samalander_dawn From: samalander_dawn Date: March 28th, 2011 05:05 am (UTC) (Link)

oh lordy that was awesome....and distressingly true I imagine :D
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: March 28th, 2011 05:18 am (UTC) (Link)
I doubt Sherlock got many positive references as a tenant.
34 comments or Leave a comment
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