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SPN Fanfic: Quatloos to Gummy Bears - CaffieneKittySpace
('i' before 'e' if you're looking for me)
SPN Fanfic: Quatloos to Gummy Bears
Title: Quatloos to Gummy Bears
Characters: Sam, Dean
Rating: GEN, PG.
Word Count: 600 words
Warnings: Mild crack. Depictions of easily misunderstood convention antics. Faulty logic.
Disclaimer: The exchange rate of nothing, which is what I have, to every single show or 'verse referenced in this ficlet, which is what I don't have, is so far beyond infinity, it's out in ten-dimensional space somewheres.
Summary: Written for spn_thur_nights Drabble Prompt from starrylizard: Sam and Dean go to a fan convention, cursed fan item, auction.
A/N: ...so then I did a second response to the same prompt, maybe with more 'in-show' feeling. Do plot-holes exist if there's no plot, per se? Yeah, still cracky, but kind of unavoidable when conventions are involved. All costumes described have been seen or worn at actual conventions. Then while I was writing this I was having trouble making the cursed item a 'fan item' so...

Quatloos to Gummy Bears
by CaffieneKitty

Dean's voice was urgent on the phone. "Quick, Sam, what's the exchange rate of quatloos to gummy bears?"

Sam stopped in the middle of the hallway and was nearly run over by an apologetic Vorlon. "What???"

"Quatloos to gummy bears!" said Dean, "Come on, Sammy, you've gotta have some kind of geek-boy insight here." Sounds of a happy riot were tinny in the background.

"Uh..." Sam said with a half-smile, "I have no idea what you're talking about, Dean. What's a quatloo?"

"Crap." Dean's phone muffled for a second. "Forty gummy bears!" fuzzed through the earpiece in Dean's voice, followed by faint cheering.

"Dean... where are you and what are you doing exactly?"

"I'm at that slave auction thing."

"You're trying to hook up." Sam rolled his eyes in disbelief and continued walking down the hallway toward the main ballroom where the costume contest was finishing. "We're here looking for an 'Arwen Evenstar' necklace some psycho cursed, one that will kill anyone who is wearing it at midnight tonight, and you're trying to hook up."

"Dude, come on, I'm not trying to hook up. Hang on-" Muffled again. "Gold-pressed what?"

"You do know that the 'slave auction' is only for an hour of the person's time in a public place, and there's strict rules on behavior and no grop-"

"She's got the thing, Sam."

Sam stopped in the middle of the hall again and got a dirty look from a pair of passing elves. "What?"

"The thing! The necklace! She's got it! She's wearing it right now! Crap, I'm running low on gummy bears!"

"Who's 'she'? Where?"

"The green chick I'm bidding on! Auction's in Conference Room D."

"You're sure it's the right necklace?"

"It's the only one that's registered on the EMF, Sam. Get your ass down here! Bring candy! Or quatloos or cubits or something! Anything!"

Sam did a one-eighty and started jogging back down the hallway toward the elevator, dodging a broad hairy man in black fishnets and a boustier followed by some kind of red demon-thing with giant flippers. "Can't you just get her out of there?"

"There's about a thousand people in here, Sam," Dean said over the increasing background noise and crinkly rustlings. "I mean I could get 'em all to move, and drag her out, no problem, but I don't think she'll be too inclined to give her trinket up of her own free will if I charge in through a roomful of her geeky pals to get to her. This auction thing's not over 'til after midnight, and by then it'll be too late." The phone muffled again. "Uh... Fifty-seven... no! Fifty-eight gummy bears!" The sound cleared. "Sam, I'm out of freaking gummy bears."

Sam planted a hand on the wall as he swung around a turn in the hallway and avoided a grumpy Sailor Moon. "Why are you bidding gummy bears, Dean? Bid M&M's. Chocolate is like gold to these people."



"Left them in the car."


"You said all that stuff about Hospitality suites and room parties and free food, so I figured I wouldn't need 'em! How's I supposed to know I was gonna need to bid on some green chick with fangs and a cursed necklace?"

Sam sprinted into the closing elevator and pushed 'L'. "Alright, stall or something, I'll score some chocolate and meet you at the slave auction in five. We'll get her." Sam disconnected his phone to see a short woman with a stack of colorful books and a t-shirt that read, If You're Really a Goth, Where Were You When We Sacked Rome? leering up at him.

"Planning a charisma check tonight, hunh Stretch?" the woman said with a smirk.

Sam laughed weakly and willed the elevator to descend faster.

- - -
(that's it for this one)

Tags: , , ,
Current Mood: rushed rushed
Current Music: "Rasputin" ~ Boney M

36 comments or Leave a comment
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(Deleted comment)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:09 am (UTC) (Link)
*grin* I didn't see that costume myself, but a friend of mine did. Someone made a full-on Vorlon encounter suit for a con Straczinsky was at. Guy in the suit couldn't see a thing, and had two 'handlers' guiding him around everywhere.
starrylizard From: starrylizard Date: December 6th, 2007 11:38 am (UTC) (Link)
Heee! I'm just geeking out in ball of giggles... How many fandoms was that exactly?! *loves*
It's gold pressed latinum, Dean. I will now go hide in the corner. :D
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:13 am (UTC) (Link)
Hmm... Well, if you count Trek as a single fandom, then eight or nine. If you count all the iterations of Trek seperately, then add a couple or three more. :-)
curtainpull From: curtainpull Date: December 6th, 2007 12:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
I rerally, really want to go to a convention now. Hee!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Heh. Yeah, they can be great.
ficwriter1966 From: ficwriter1966 Date: December 6th, 2007 01:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Okay, my morning is officially started in a massively good way.

Except...I keep READING, when I should be, um, getting dressed? And going to work?

Ah, the lure of the fic. Especially the crack!fic. Well done, o caffeinated one.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:20 am (UTC) (Link)
Very glad to have made your morning more palatable. :-D
skybound2 From: skybound2 Date: December 6th, 2007 04:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Quick, Sam, what's the exchange rate of quatloos to gummy bears?"

This has GOT to top the list of word arrangements I never thought would happen ;-P FANTASTIC job! Hehe :-D
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:21 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I strive to be original. Or at least unusual. :-)
delphinapterus From: delphinapterus Date: December 6th, 2007 05:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's awesome and I want that shirt. I love the idea of bidding candy. I don't know what quatloos are but Dean talking about exchange rates is gold.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:28 am (UTC) (Link)
The shirt is real and available here from Warehouse23, if you're curious. I wasn't deliberately promoting shirts or gummy bears at all with this fic, but it seems to be a side effect...

Quatloos (I'm kind of disturbed I remembered the term without looking it up) are the unit of currency used in an Original Series Star Trek episode called "Gamesters of Triskellion" and are what the brains in jars or whatever they were were wagering on the kind of gladatorial combats they had the crew of the Enterprise trapped in.

Heh. I'm a geek. *facepalm* :-D
exposed1 From: exposed1 Date: December 6th, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Such love! Such love!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
sams1ra From: sams1ra Date: December 6th, 2007 06:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was... I mean... *snort*
Gummy bears? ROFL
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:30 am (UTC) (Link)
I know! They were a hot commodity at the cons I went to in the mid-nineties and were used in trade for many things.
anniehow From: anniehow Date: December 6th, 2007 06:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
oooh, yeah, this is fantastic!

... so the slave auctions really use candy as a currency? I feel so deprived!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:35 am (UTC) (Link)
They used to.... I haven't been to a con for so long I don't even know if they have 'slave auctions' anymore. They discouraged the use of actual real world money because it gave the con hotel fits about legal stuff, among other things, but candy and fake sci-fi money was just fine.

I recall a serious discussion about the relative purchasing power of gummy worms and gummy dinosaurs over gummy bears once at a con, based on the mass of 'gummy' in each.
wilwarin1 From: wilwarin1 Date: December 6th, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
I simply can't stop grinning over this one!! Brings back happy memories of the Star Trek Cons I've been to over the years.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Hooray for happy convention memories! :-D
girlfan1979 From: girlfan1979 Date: December 6th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

I have got to go to one of those.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:37 am (UTC) (Link)
This would be from my memories of fan-run cons in the mid-nineties. I don't even know if they exist like this anymore :-) *is wistful*
gwendolyngrace From: gwendolyngrace Date: December 6th, 2007 08:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
While the idea of Shatner's toupee making Dean into a two-bit Kirk is hilarious (ESPECIALLY in light of the recent casting considerations), I think this is my personal fave of these three little pieces. Dean's desperation to bid in gummy and his frustration with Sam that he wouldn't have needed his M&Ms.... too cute.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:40 am (UTC) (Link)
Heh. I'm pretty sure I know where the rumour about Jensen being considered originally came from, but still, it's an interesting thought. :-) I'm glad you liked it!
pen37 From: pen37 Date: December 6th, 2007 10:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Have you read Bimbos of the Death Sun, perchance?

caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:44 am (UTC) (Link)
"Bimbos of the Death Sun" and "Zombies of the Gene Pool". Both in visible range from my desk though I haven't re-read them in a long while. When the group I went to cons with was actively going to them back in the mid-nineties, anyone who was going to a con for the first time was encouraged to read "Bimbos of the Death Sun" in preparation. I was going to cons before I read them though. Mind-altering experience, conventions. :-D
stars91 From: stars91 Date: December 7th, 2007 01:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
Another great drabble! You really had nothing to worry about, I could totally see something like this happening!

Thank you for your participation in this community! Your doing a fantastic job!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I'm glad it work for the comm. I just worry about being too silly sometimes. :-)
iamstealthyone From: iamstealthyone Date: December 7th, 2007 04:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Cute fic! I love that Dean's seemingly horny endeavor turns out to be legit where the case is concerned. :)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: December 7th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hunting is always serious business for Dean, even when it involves bidding gummy bears for time with green women. *nods*
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