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Sherlock Fanfic: Spiral - CaffieneKittySpace
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caffienekitty
caffienekitty
Sherlock Fanfic: Spiral
Title: Spiral
Fandom: Sherlock BBC
Rating/Warning:Gen, PG13. Spoilers for the end of Series 2, which airs in some form or other on PBS this Sunday.
Word Count: 221B
Disclaimer: I do not own this world or these characters.

Summary: Missing scene for near the end of 2.03, John angst.
A/N: Just something quick and grim to go with this screencap. Part writing exercise, part therapy. Stream of conciousness. [LJ-only]


Spiral
by CaffieneKitty



The clock ticks, and he can't decide if he wants to stop it.

He wants eggs and toast, wants to break something small and controlled, not too much or he won't stop breaking.

He's not hungry. He doesn't want to see anything else break.

He wants to scream but that would mean he was actually here, making noise, and all of this was real. He doesn't want to eat. He doesn't want to want, he doesn't want to be. He sees, over and over and he can't make it stop, can't make it rewind, changing down to up. Time goes one way, tick of the clock and the moment's passed. No going back.

What should I have said? What did I not say that made him-? What did I say that made him-?

The clock ticks, loud in the unfamiliar lack of loud. His bare feet rest on the carpet, lost scraps of something shattered digging into his soles.

Why did he-? What did I-? I was right there. How did I fail him? How was I not enough?

Not enough to make him stay, stop, step backwards instead of forwards, time unwinding, reversing.

Time goes one way. Forwards. A black fluttering, down, down, done.

What should I have done? What could I have done?

The clock ticks, time progressing for the world, leaving John behind.

- - -
(that's all)

Tags: , , , , , ,
Current Mood: discontent discontent

17 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
embroiderama From: embroiderama Date: May 19th, 2012 11:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh John. This makes me want to hug him a lot.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: May 20th, 2012 07:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
John Watson needs hugs.
ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: May 20th, 2012 12:21 am (UTC) (Link)
...so much, yes. Breathing.

I also grinned like a fool that you posted.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: May 20th, 2012 07:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hugs*
ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: May 20th, 2012 08:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
*Hugs*
shadowfireflame From: shadowfireflame Date: May 20th, 2012 04:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, John. *hugs him*

I really like all of this, the way you capture his grief, but this line especially:

What should I have said? What did I not say that made him-? What did I say that made him-?

In light of the fact that John has been led to believe that his best friend just committed suicide, and John seeing this as partially his fault, something he could conceivably have prevented? Oh, man. That really breaks my heart. Very well done.

Edited at 2012-05-20 04:44 am (UTC)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: May 20th, 2012 08:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. I think it's something John would have really struggled with in his grieving process.
earlgreytea68 From: earlgreytea68 Date: May 20th, 2012 01:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, my goodness, this was beautiful and utterly heartbreaking.

"He wants eggs and toast, wants to break something small and controlled, not too much or he won't stop breaking."

Loved this line.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: May 20th, 2012 08:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.
fawsley From: fawsley Date: May 21st, 2012 09:54 am (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful evocation of exactly how time behaves so badly when it's running away from an event, and all the pain and confusion that can come from that. Very simple but very very effective. Excellent stuff - thank you!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: May 22nd, 2012 04:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
arianedevere From: arianedevere Date: May 21st, 2012 11:57 am (UTC) (Link)
His bare feet rest on the carpet, lost scraps of something shattered digging into his soles.

This line broke my heart. Brilliantly written.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: May 22nd, 2012 04:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was worried about that line in particular, so I'm very glad it worked.
nyxviola From: nyxviola Date: May 21st, 2012 12:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Very powerful, and touching. Perfect for that screencap.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: May 22nd, 2012 04:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.
malevolent73 From: malevolent73 Date: May 21st, 2012 04:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Made me cry. :(
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: May 22nd, 2012 04:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aw. *hands you tissues*
17 comments or Leave a comment