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Sherlock Fanfic: Aweary of the Sun - CaffieneKittySpace
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Sherlock Fanfic: Aweary of the Sun
Title: Aweary of the Sun
Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)
Rating/Content: PG-13. Spoilers for 2.03/TRF. Depiction of depression, grief, suicidal ideation, analysis of suicide. John POV. ANGST.
Word Count: 580-ish
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or their world.
A/N: For watsons_woes July Writing Prompt Challenge #22 "The Bard" - Use Shakespeare. Please read the Content notes above first.

Summary: A fragment of one of Shakespeare's plays torments John after Sherlock's death.

Aweary of the Sun
by Caffienekitty

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

John had learned it at school, this bit of Shakespeare. Macbeth. It chased around in his head over and over as he went from one numb necessity to another, before he wound down into the quiet-wrong-empty flat.

creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
to the last syllable of recorded time;

The days went so slowly, after, that they might as well have stopped. Everything might as well have stopped. But on it all went, all the clock-ticking, wall-staring hours where Sherlock wasn't.

and all our yesterdays have lighted fools
the way to dusty death.

John had thought about following.

He was still thinking.

Out out brief candle
Life is but a walking shadow,

Shadows and dust. "We mortals are but shadows and dust." Wasn't Shakespeare, was some movie with Russell Crowe, but it didn't make it less applicable.

Sherlock would have hated the movie probably, if they'd ever watched it together. Too many anachronisms. Assuming he hadn't deleted the Roman Empire, which he probably had.

Sherlock had deleted everything now though, hadn't he.

a poor player
who struts and frets his hour upon the stage

Strutting, that was Sherlock. Anywhere he went, where he knew his intellect would prove right. Every crime scene was his stage, and he trod those blood-stained boards more fiercely than any wannabe-Olivier.

But it wasn't an act. It wasn't some- some horribly Machiavellian series of self-initiated crimes engineered just so he could impress the Yard and the public. Sherlock might not have the best grip on social propriety, but he wouldn't arrange a theft or a murder just to show off. Never.

and then...

and then...

and then is heard no more.

No more. No more violin, no more exploding eyeballs, no more shouts or texts for John to bring him a pen or his mobile or three pounds of sheep's brains at two in the bloody morning. No more.

John hated Shakespeare now. He hated his English teacher at school for making him learn this one bit by heart. He hated the loop his mind had got stuck in, skipping the groove, chasing this fragment of Shakespearean tat that half the kids in his Year had memorised round and round his head in a hypothermic mental whirlpool; sinking lower and feeling colder on each iteration.

The other half of the students in John's Year had memorised Marc Antony's speech to the Romans from Julius Caesar. John doubted that would have been much better.

It is a tale told by an idiot.
Full of sound and fury, signifying

And it was. Sherlock had to have lost his bloody mind if he thought for one second that John would believe that tripe about Sherlock being a fraud, making everything up. What kind of idiot was Sherlock, to think that anything anyone said, even saying it himself, would convince John that Sherlock had been a fake?

...But then why had he jumped? There was no reason. John knew that he shouldn't blame himself, but who else was there? Who else was close enough friends with Sherlock to see something like this brewing inside him?

"Just one," Sherlock had said once. "Just one."

Why? John had looked, he'd observed, he searched the flat in fits of helpless anguish, trying to find anything that might tell him why Sherlock had done this. What had made him take this action, was it Moriarty? Was it the pressure of the lie that had been built against him?

Sherlock didn't- wouldn't.

But he had.

It was beyond understanding. It didn't seem real. But it was.

Sherlock was gone, and he'd left John the puzzle of his unsolvable death, and indifferent time ticking on and on.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...

(that's it)

Tags: , , , , ,
Current Mood: melancholy melancholy

15 comments or Leave a comment
maestress83 From: maestress83 Date: July 23rd, 2013 01:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
OUCH. That's a cruel Shakespearean earworm for poor John.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 24th, 2013 04:41 am (UTC) (Link)
It really is.
donutsweeper From: donutsweeper Date: July 23rd, 2013 02:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh OUCH, poor John!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 24th, 2013 04:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Poor John indeed.
monkeybard From: monkeybard Date: July 23rd, 2013 02:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Perfect choice of quote for the situation. Angsty enough without going over the top. Well done!
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 24th, 2013 04:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.
ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: July 23rd, 2013 03:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 24th, 2013 04:42 am (UTC) (Link)
ciaranbochna From: ciaranbochna Date: July 24th, 2013 05:10 am (UTC) (Link)
embroiderama From: embroiderama Date: July 23rd, 2013 03:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, John. D: The mood in this is so very clear.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 24th, 2013 04:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.
irismay42 From: irismay42 Date: July 23rd, 2013 04:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Love how you wove the Macbeth into the fabric of your story. (I had to study it at school too!)

I'm intrigued to find out how the show *will* resolve Sherlock's actions...
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 24th, 2013 04:44 am (UTC) (Link)
I have a few ideas, but however they resolve it, there will be a lot of pain.
noirrosaleen From: noirrosaleen Date: October 9th, 2013 01:02 am (UTC) (Link)
Also helicopters and monkeys, according to Benny. (You've seen the video, right?)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: October 9th, 2013 04:46 am (UTC) (Link)
I avoid interviews, promos, foilers etc, even the silly ones, because I seem to manage to pick up spoilers from the smallest comments no one else would think revealed anything. I'll track it down after I've watched Series 3. :-)
15 comments or Leave a comment