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Sherlock Fanfic: Linguistic Drift (JWP 2015 #20) - CaffieneKittySpace
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Sherlock Fanfic: Linguistic Drift (JWP 2015 #20)
Title: Linguistic Drift
Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)
Alternate Postings: AO3
Rating/Content: PG13, humour, slight meta, fake American accents, Google-based Paris geography, don't try this it will not work
Warnings: none
Word Count: 570
Disclaimer: Not my world.
Notes: Written for watsons_woes July Writing Prompt #20: Put something or someone American in your entry. No insult intended to Benedict or Martin. Sherlock and John are just sassing each other.

Summary: The French accent would definitely not have worked.

Linguistic Drift

Once the iconic giant glass pyramid was well behind them, John slowed down and began wheezing with laughter. Sherlock soon joined him.

After a moment of leaning against a wall and wiping mirthful tears from his eyes, John chuckled. "Oh Christ. Sherlock, the bloody Louvre!"

With a twinkle in his eye, Sherlock hummed in amusement. "I'd have thought they'd hire more intelligent people for their security staff."

"Oh god, I know. Those two came around the corner and I thought that was it!" John grinned. "Can you believe they actually bought that we were just lost American tourists who didn't know the bloody place was closed on Tuesdays and wandered in by accident?"

Sherlock smirked back. "It's frankly astonishing, considering your accent wasn't even close to American."

"Mine!" John laughed. "Mine was brilliant. Yours now, yours was rubbish."

Sherlock huffed. "My American accent is flawless."

"No, no it really isn't." John snorted. "Your French accent was better than whatever that was."

"It was an American accent." With a glance back in case of pursuers, Sherlock began walking down the Quai du Louvre. "A firm and serviceable midwestern accent."

"Nope," John said, following along beside.

"What about yours? You sounded like a guest on Jeremy Kyle."

"That was an American accent Sherlock, a genuine real American accent!"

Sherlock made rude noise. "No American ever sounded like that. Not even a cartoon Canadian sounds like that."

John strode along beside Sherlock. "One of the orderlies I worked with when I was stationed at Kandahar was from Minnesota, and that is exactly what he sounded like."

A large lorry passed them as they walked, tires hissing in the light rain. "Really?"

"Why would I lie? It's a state in America; he was from it and that's how he spoke." John and Sherlock stopped at an intersection to wait for traffic to clear. "Regardless, it worked."

"Hm. Well. In any case please refrain from saying 'hello dere' or 'doncha know' or 'you betcha' in my presence again." Sherlock grimaced as he repeated the phrases. "I may have strained an internal organ trying to keep a straight face in front of that guard."

John giggled. "I could tell, your eyes were practically popping out of your head."

The light changed and they continued along the Quai du Louvre. "Do you really think my American accent is bad?"

"It's passable obviously, but it's..." John wobbled a hand in the air. "Off. I don't know quite how. Like a BBC American accent. Half of it's in Birmingham and the other half's in Ohio."

Sherlock sniffed. "It's fooled Americans. It fooled the guards."

"Fair enough," John said with an equitable shrug as they turned right to walk across the Pont Neuf. "As I said before; 'regardless, it worked.'"

"Yes, and well worth it." Sherlock steepled his fingers as he walked, rubbing his index fingers against his lips in thought. "Three of those bronzes were almost certainly fake. I'd need access and a chemical test to be sure. No way to ask for access without knowing who among the staff has switched them out, not without risking tipping them off."

"So what's next then?"

"We need to look deeper into the staff's criminal and personal history to pare down the suspect list." Sherlock put his hands in his pockets and sped up his pace. "My contact at the Préfecture will have drawn up the preliminary list by now. That's where we're headed; in fact we're nearly there already."

Glancing sideways at Sherlock, John grinned evilly. "Okey-dokey!"

Sherlock's affronted "John!" echoed down the Seine.

(that's it)

-Benedict's American Accent (in The Whistleblower)
-Martin's Minnesotan Accent (in brief parts in the Fargo trailer)

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6 comments or Leave a comment
borgmama1of5 From: borgmama1of5 Date: July 21st, 2015 05:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am really enjoying these (and this one wasn't so painful!) :)
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 27th, 2015 10:03 am (UTC) (Link)
It's been more humor than whump from me this year, though the whump has been quite heavy when it happens.
gardnerhill From: gardnerhill Date: July 22nd, 2015 05:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh cripes, this one here's a keeper, yup.
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 27th, 2015 10:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Awww, thanks!
halfshellvenus From: halfshellvenus Date: July 22nd, 2015 06:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hahahaha! Minnesota/North Dakota may sound like an unreal accent, but sadly, I don't believe it is.

Because after all, Martin's "Fargo" accent sounded like all the other people in that series. Settlers from Scandihoovian countries who stayed put, perhaps because the weather was similarly bad where they originated and they didn't hate it enough to move. :O

But "Hello dere" would probably crack me up, too. :D
caffienekitty From: caffienekitty Date: July 27th, 2015 10:04 am (UTC) (Link)
It's definitely a real accent, just like Newfie.
6 comments or Leave a comment